It's a BLOG!!!

Fitting in is hard.

I guess I always thought that once I was out of high school and into college and beyond, finding a group of people I belonged with would be simple. I'm a friendly person.. I think I'm personable, funny, a little sarcastic, diverse and just generally pleasing to be around. I assumed that those qualities would help me to feel comfortable in any group-type situation I would find myself in.

However, in the past few months I've realized that there is a difference between hanging out with a group of people and feeling like you truly belong somewhere. You know that feeling when you're sitting in a restaurant with a bunch of people you know and the conversation is flowing.. But instead of being IN the conversation, the conversation is just happening AROUND you. You sit there, smiling and nodding and trying desperately to grab onto a snippet of something you can comment on or add to in some way. It's so taxing and frustrating.. Afterward it feels like you've just run a mile and ended up in the same place you started.

I've felt like this off and on for a few months.. I was doing a kind of spastic friendship-dance. Two steps forward and one step back. Some days I'd feel totally in sync with everyone I was interacting with. I'd go home feeling full and accomplished and all warm tingly with new found friendship. Other days I'd feel like the black sheep.. The courtesy friend.. Discouraged and lonely even though I was surrounded by great, funny, friendly and interesting people.

I've always been EXTREMELY interested in group dynamics. Having grown up with a group of close friends for most of my life, I was very comfortable being the leader of the pack. I haven't had a lot of experience being the new kid on the block. Lately, I've been able to sit back, enjoy conversations and observe a diverse yet similar (oxymoron, I know) conglomeration of personalities. I love watching how a tight group interacts with one another.

This past week was my spring break and I was lucky to spend a lot of time hanging out with my boyfriend and his friends, my new friends. I felt like this week was a bit of a breakthrough for me. 90% of the time I felt like I was a part of the body.. A piece of the puzzle. I didn't feel like I was on the outside looking in. I'm so excited and encouraged!

I remember one day I was sitting on Doug's bed and my phone kept going off.. He asked me who I was talking to and I rambled off a list of 3 or 4 people. He looked at me and smiled and said, "Sounds like you're talking to my friends more than I am today!" I stopped and looked at him for a minute before I realized that he was right! I consider them to be my friends now too, and I'm extremely thankful that he has encouraged me to stick my neck out and bond with them. I'm also grateful to them for accepting me, including me and making me feel like I belong. There were a few months when I didn't get a call or a text all day long.. I felt so lonely and abandoned and I couldn't even remember what it felt like to sit in a room that was so loud and full of people and laughter and chatter that you had to yell to make yourself heard. I had that this week and I can't describe how amazing it felt.

So I guess (if you've made it this far) that I'd encourage you to pull people in that are on the outskirts of your group of friends. It will mean more to them than you realize.. No matter how old we are, we still need people around us to enrich our lives.

<3 Katie

End of 2009.. Looking ahead to 2010!!

Ahh July 22, 2009.. How you were an amazing day. The day after Coldplay!!

Perhaps that is why I haven't updated since then.. I mean.. How can you top Coldplay?

I WILL ATTEMPT TO DO SO!!

Now. Things that have happened to finish out 2009.

1. Kaitlin and I moved into our apartment at DBU. I now realize that there are almost no pictures posted anywhere of said apartment.. Even though we were extremely excited to move in. And it is AWESOME. You should come visit us. We'll cook for you. ALSO, we just got TiVo. Woohoo!

2. I cut off all of my hair. I mean. ALL OF IT. I kinda wish I hadn't done that, in retrospect.. Not the best look for me. But it is growing back. I'm also toying with the idea of going back to blonde (yikes!!) If you don't remember me as a blonde.. Go find some pictures and tell me if you think this would be a good idea or not.

3. I finished another semester at DBU. Whew. It was rough. I had some health issues at the end of the semester which led to me taking Incompletes on three of my classes.. That will make this coming semester even more difficult because I've got to finish all of that work PLUS start going into music classrooms two days a week. (Woo Field Base 1!!)

4. Nick moved to California. SAD DAY. I miss him. BUT!! I get to see him in February which is super exciting. :D And then when I see him after that in April.. It will be to see him get MARRIED!! Aughh!!! I can't believe I'm old enough to have married friends. I mean.. Alicia got married in August and Crash and Laura got engaged over new years.. And now my NickyBaby?? Crazy.

So 2009 ended with a bang. I celebrated my New Year in South Padre, one of my favorite places to be, with a bunch of my friends and their families. It was bittersweet because it was the first time I'd been to Padre without Kaitlin.. And the first New Year I'd rung in without her since idon'tknowhowlong. But it was awesome because I got to be there with Doug, Crash, Laura and Dave and we had such an amazing week which ended in a beautiful, picturesque proposal during a fireworks show... I mean come on.. Get more amazing than that, New Years.. I DARE YOU!

So if that was any indication on how awesome 2010 is going to be, I can't wait!! My baby brother will graduate high school this year.. And I will cry. A lot. I still think of him as 12 years old at the OLDEST.. Most of the time younger than that. But he keeps getting taller, so eventually I'll have to accept that he's 18.

Other good things happening in 2010.

1. I celebrated my 1 month anniversary (awwwwwshutup) with Doug on January 5th. <3
2. I will turn 21 in 6 days.. (I forgot about this until my mom just came in and asked if I wanted cake on Sunday.. Happy Birthday?)
3. Spring semester starts on the 19th.. Which is the day before my birthday.. Laaame. But I do get to start working in classrooms and getting my feet wet teaching. I only have three semesters left at DBU.. Aughhh!!!
4. Trip to San Diego, California for the weekend in February to watch Doug play a show.. Meet some of his friends and visit Nick.
5. Also in February a trip to Oklahoma City for a show over Valentine's weekend <3
6. April: Back to Cali with Kaitlin for Nick's Wedding!!
7. This summer, Doug, Kaitlin and I will go to Florida for Infinitus.. A huge Harry Potter event that Kaitlin won't stop bothering me about.. (When did I become surrounded by nerds?? Traveling nerds, no less!!)
8. Tanner will graduate.. And then summer!!!

WHEW. Long blog.. Lots to catch up on.
But life is goodbusyawesomeinfuriatingcrazyamazing<3<3<3

If you've made it this far, your reward is PICTURES!!
Love you all,
Katie <3

Nickyy!! Ohh I miss him. Also, the aforementioned short hair.

They're getting maaarried!!

Fwiends. Padre '09

<3<3<3>

Me as blonde.. Thoughts?

Baby Brotherrrr. <3